I am so excited and humbled to be able to share with all of you my story as told through Michelle Corbet at St Jude and with the help of my PTs, doctors and friends. Please enjoy this story and know that we all have a journey we travel and we owe it to ourselves to take hold of it and make it amazing. Don’t forget to live big and give to those less fortunate. Give your smile, a hug, a kind word. Please share this story with others, you never know who needs to hear it.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
Helen Keller
That hill you see before me was quite intimidating. As you can see by my head down, my focus wasn’t on the long, incline ahead, just the next step right before me. Going in to this Rock n Roll 10K I had preconcieved notions of what “my” race was going to look like. Several months ago I was sure I was going to be running every step with ease, then as it drew closer I realized that my socket wasn’t fitting properly and I had gotten sore and banged up a little from every day use. Such is the life for an amputee, especially during the first year. During the first year or so the limb is constantly changing and shrinking. For me, I have been so active and getting back to my routine that I have change in my limb throughout the day.
Getting back to this race before me. One of the hardest things for me to do is to admit if I have overshot my goals. I’m a perfectionist and very strict with my goal setting. This is good AND bad. It’s good because I believe that being hard on myself has helped me, especially this past year, focus on positive outcomes and not on the pain and challenges of my new norm. However, if I’ve ever come to a point in which I know that a goal just can’t be reached, in MY timeframe, I struggle with disappointment and feel like I’ve let myself down. This is bad and can be self-destructive.
This 10K race was the first goal, since my amputation, that I knew I wasn’t going to shine at and achieve….not the way I had visualized it anyway. I wasn’t competing with others, I was competing with myself, and I wasn’t going to win. While I was on this long road, head down in deep thought, I did a lot of self-talk. I had to find a way to finish with my head held high. This was the moment I knew that I was out of my comfort zone and where God was stretching my resolve and building character within me. He knew the struggle within me and now, in the midst of this trial, He was working on me; making me a better version of myself. As Helen Keller stated above, “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet »
Needless to say, I finished my 10K as an above knee amputee. I drew positives out of it; for example, I have never walked that pace for that long. I endured nerve pain, like no other, to accomplish that and I never gave up! I was able to put in a few running strides and gave my running blade some purpose. I had beautiful friends surrounding me throughout the race who gave me the space I needed to think through my mental game but also knew exactly when I needed some conversation to distract me from the pain. Best of all, I finished! I looked up, saw the finish line, smiled and pushed forward strong. People cheered for me, people I didn’t even know (they probably saw the pain on my face, and surely noticed my ginerly gate) and gave me high fives. It was then that I realized what I had accomplished. And I did it for me! I am proud of myself and the perseverance it took for me to push myself 6.2 miles. I am grateful for the friend who challenged me to this race a week before my amputation, a year ago. I am so thankful to my PTs and medical staff that joined me in this quest. It was hard, so very hard, but when pushed against the ropes I can say that I came out victorious and a better person for it. I learned more about who I am in those moments of pain and weakness than I could ever just sitting back and watching life pass by.
The true goal may never have been to «finish » the race but to find out who I am, to see who God created me to be. Whatever your « race » in life, just know that it’s not about the finish line, but the journey. Each one of us has our own hurdles and struggles. We must not give up! It is in these trials that we experience the most growth within ourselves. Be Bold! Focus on the next step! Never give up! You may surprise yourself on the road you end up walking. Use those hard moments to strengthen your soul. Enjoy the journey, I know I am!
Mana is the Hawaiian word for power. The power of the wave as it takes you. It’s an amazing feeling once you get out on the water and glide with that power. The power of that wave comes from beneath the water’s surface. It’s in constant movement, almost as if in conflict with itself. The Power changes as it encounters the terrain of the ocean floor. It’s an incredible feeling to release yourself to the power of the ocean and use it to feel the stoke of catching your first wave.
Last month I had the opportunity to head to Kauai. We have had the good fortune to go the last several years, but for every year we went, I was injured, or recovering from surgeries. I never got to really get in the ocean, never got to experience the Mana of the waters, that is until this year. After losing my leg I was determined to get back up and not let my life be dictated or defined by my amputation. I set goal upon goal. If I didn’t have some crazy hard goal to reach I probably would’ve gotten caught in a rut and felt sorry for myself. Knowing this trip was upon us I decided with only 4 weeks to go that I’d let me PT know that I had come up with my next BIG goal: surfing! He asked if I’d ever surfed; nope! But I was determined to do something new and face the fear of trying it without a leg. I had no previous experience so I could create the feeling of catching a wave for the first time to this feeling, with a prosthetic. Why not?
Mana: power. It is within each of us, lying just underneath the surface. It is given to us by a higher power and can be turbulent depending what’s going on below the surface; just like the ocean’s Mana.
I found amazing people in Kauai at the Hanalei Surf School. I don’t believe they usually get many amputees but Jimmy became my instructor. Jimmy is the one who explained Mana. When I was out on my board, in the middle of that big, blue ocean, feeling those waves glide below me and around me, I could feel the Mana. It was an incredible feeling. To start to paddle with that power just below me and then to stand and be driven forward by it, it was a feeling like no other!
I am so grateful to the amazing people who helped me succeed and who helped me find a new deep love of the ocean. To see that blue water with different eyes, it’s a precious gift, one which I can never repay them for, but I can appreciate it and love it forever, like never before.
Like the ocean, our power comes from within/ from the depths of our souls and is just as beautiful. We have the power to love, accept and help each other. We also have the power to hate, tear down and destroy. What will you do with your power? God has a purpose for each of us. His love is unconditional and His grace is pure and abundant.
Mana, a power that is so beautiful, so strong. It can drive you forward or knock you over. Find your balance, keep your eyes forward, slow down: advice from Jimmy.
Hey Jimmy, I found my palm tree to focus on. Find beauty in the Mana within you.
May you be blessed with such an eye opening experience as I had of our beautiful oceans.
Stepping out in Faith 